Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
