I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
