bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
