I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
