TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
