9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
