No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the day after is always just damage control
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
