i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize