dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My pussy is not your playground.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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