does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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