Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
