You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
