So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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