One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize