It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
