As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You made out with two different species that night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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