You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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