North Korea, Best Korea!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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