What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
