I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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