I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
