If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
