Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
