This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
