Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
