Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
