We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
