I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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