Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
