Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize