haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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