You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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