So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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