i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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