Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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