I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
