You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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