Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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