Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
