Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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