I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize