i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
