i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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