you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
