My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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