yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
