Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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