Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
