Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize