Everything about him screamed your future.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
