dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
