It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
