my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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