I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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