John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
