He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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