I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
