my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
