yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there was a trapeze. enough said
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
