Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
