So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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