my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
