even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
