Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
