I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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