who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize