He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
