How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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