I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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