Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
