1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
