Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
