you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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