i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
