i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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