You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
