I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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