I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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